How Pokemon Do It

As I was preparing to leave the house this morning, I heard my husband and eldest son talking in the bathroom. Actually, Daryl was the one doing all the talking until my husband called out, “Honey! You need to come here.”

When I entered the room, he looked at me, his eyes dancing with amusement, and said, “You’ve got to hear this.” And then turning to Daryl, “Go ahead and tell her about how Pokemon make babies.”

“Well, you see,” he began, oblivious to the silent conversation and innuendo taking place in the room around him, “if you want to make a new Pokemon, you take two of them and put them in this Day Care. It has to be one boy and one girl.”

I raised my eyebrows at my husband at the mention of Day Care. His eyes twinkled and he nodded an I know. Right? look.

“And the breeder says…”

My husband interrupted him. “Tell her where the breeder is.”

“The breeder is outside the Day Care. And he says that if the two Pokemon like playing with other Pokemon more than the other one, then there won’t be an egg. But if they like to play with each other more than anyone else, then there might be an egg!”

His voice rose gradually in excitement as he approached the end of his explanation. My husband nearly spewed his toothpaste as he rinsed his mouth. He looked at me and said, “Can you believe that? Can you? I mean, the ‘breeder’ is hanging out in an old beat up Dodge van outside the day care and…”

“He’s not really in a Dodge van, is he? Please tell me he’s not actually waiting in a van.”

My husband laughed as he walked out of the room and my son, delighted that we were enjoying his story but a little befuddled at what was amusing us so much, said, “No, he’s not in a van. He’s just standing out there. And I’ve got two Espurrs. They are the same level and both are psychic type, so I just know they like playing with each other more! They are in the Day Care right now and I hope I get an egg!”

My husband called back from the next room, “Just make sure you teach your Pokemon about Stranger Danger, ok?”

I started to add “And safe sex” but then realized 1) the Pokemon are trying to make an egg so safe sex is actually not what they are after and 2) looking at the innocent expression of excitement on my son’s face, I knew that he was not connecting this little feature of his video game with his limited understanding of “sex”.

Thinking of telling my son that he needs to have “the talk” with his Pokemon reminded me that it’s just about time for us to have “the talk” with our fourth grader. You would think that it being our second time to sing this song, I’d be just fine with it. But I’m not. And I don’t think I’ll be ready for round three when it comes up either. It’s not so much the subject matter as it is the recognition that my little boy is rapidly becoming not-a-little-boy. And while I cherish the changes and the young man he is becoming, I mourn the loss of all that was.

UPDATE: The next day, my son informed me that one of the Espurrs was holding an egg. He looked like a proud grandpa indeed.

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2 thoughts on “How Pokemon Do It

  1. So….did you go to fourth grade in the Edmond system? Isn’t that the year they have the school sponsored talk or is it fifth?

    As a physician, I’m not that intimidated by the idea of having the talk with my boy (he’s three now). I’m just worried I’m going to inadvertently get in trouble for teaching him too much, too soon. If other parents are coming up to me and saying “He needs to stop saying ‘penis’…” I’ll know I was wrong.

    • I didn’t intend to leave your comment unanswered, I apologize. I don’t remember when we did sex education back when I was young. I tend to forget details like that. In my children’s school system, it’s the end of 5th grade.

      As far as my reticence to talk to him goes, it’s not out of fear. It’s more a reluctance to have him grow up. He already knows the basics, refers to the parts of his anatomy appropriately, and all of that. It’s just… my relationship with my daughter is so different now. I love it but it IS different. She’s not really a child anymore. And I miss the child sometimes. I LOVE the teenager. I love the way we can talk and joke. So now I’m looking at #2 and thinking that I’m not ready to lose the child. I’ll love the teenager too but…

      When we were teasing our daughter the other day to get her to leave the room – pretend “making out” – she cracked a joke that was really funny and spot-on… but also was (knowingly on her part) euphemistic for a blow job. The innocence is mostly gone in that one. The second one still has it. He’s on the cusp of losing it and I’m sad at the thought. That’s all.

      Oh, and the other parents telling you he is saying penis too much (been there) doesn’t mean you were wrong. It just means you need to have a follow-up conversation with him. 😉

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