Missed Me?

I’ve been silent for the last week and I’m not quite sure why. I have a lot of stories floating around in my head. Some of them are about the kids (what I am supposed to be writing about) and others are commentaries on stuff around me or current events (what I find myself writing about more and more).

Those ideas are composed and recomposed over and over again as I walk or drive from place to place. I would gladly write them instead of working but… well… I’d like to keep my job. I keep doing the mental composing throughout my day. Then I get home and take care of the myriad obligations there. Eventually the kids go to bed and that’s my usual blog time.

Except I haven’t felt it.

When I list the things I need to do and I hit “write a blog post”, I think Man. I really don’t feel like doing that right now. When that’s happened before, it’s usually been because either a) I don’t have anything to write about and don’t have the energy to come up with something or b) I’m angry about something and don’t feel that’s the right state of mind to be in when writing for a blog entitled “My Bright Spots.” But that hasn’t been the case lately. I just haven’t felt like it.

So… nothing.

It’s been an interesting shift. Used to be, I consistently wrote my posts because I wanted to. But lately, I’ve been writing because I felt I had to. I needed to be predictable. A post every day Monday-Friday, with a “Throwback Thursday” post on Thursday. When it was getting late and I realized I hadn’t written one, I felt obligated to sit down and churn one out.

I’ve been having a similar reaction to reading blog posts. I’ve been feeling like we are all chattering magpies yapping away at the wind. What’s the point? Are we all just producing this stuff for each other? Why? Has my blog just become a more refined version of a “share every thought that comes into my head” Facebook life?

I’m not sure.

But the interesting thing is that as I write this, more topics are coming into my head. Everything from baking cookies with my mom last week to my thoughts on Ferguson, MO. So I don’t think I’m coming to feel there’s no point. I think I’m just tired. Really, really tired.

It’s not easy to be a full time engineer, mother to three kids (from a Kindergartener to a teenager), church elder, Sunday School teacher, club volunteer, DIY home rennovator, regular (almost obsessive) exercise practioner, and a blogger. Sometimes I get tired. Ok, not sometimes. I’m always tired. And I have to let something go. I’ve chosen not to let up on the exercise. I committed to the church for a three year term. The club needs me. The projects at the house still have to get done. And I can’t really drop my work and parenting obligations. That leaves the blog.

I don’t want to quit though, and I’m not going to. I’m just going to try telling myself that I don’t have to publish on a schedule. I don’t have to do it if I don’t feel like it. I can skip for a week or two or longer if I want to. And it’ll all be ok.

Now, don’t be surprised if I end up publishing something every day this week. Now that I’ve primed the pump, so to speak, I may find I “feel” like writing and easily fill my week with posts. But if I do fall silent for a bit (again), just say a little prayer or send kind thoughts my way. Something simple like “I hope she gets some sleep” will do. Thanks. 🙂

How about you? Do you keep a schedule or have a guideline of how often you want to blog? Do you fall into slumps? Does it bother you? Do you ever feel obligated or is it always an act of joy?

8 thoughts on “Missed Me?

  1. Yes, I often fall into slumps where I don’t feel like writing and think ‘why am I, or any of us, doing this?’ I think for me, I just like to be working on my writing and try to keep to a 3 day a week schedule not matter what although I do think there is a shelf life for blogging…just not sure what it is.

    • A “shelf life for blogging” – I’ve often wondered about this myself. It’s usually in the context of “what will I write about once the kids are grown?” But I often write about other things and by the time the youngest is out of the house, the oldest could be having children so then there’d be grandchildren to write about. So, yeah, I’ve wondered if/when it will run its course, but just like every other activity I’ve ever done, I tend to assume it won’t end. Until it does, I guess.

  2. I don’t blog but look forward to reading yours. I don’t read them every day but when I get a chance I go backward to the last one I read and read forward. I think your blogs are going to be like pictures, they mean more as the years go by than when you first take them. That being said, do it as you have time and feel like it. You do a lot and you need a break.

    • Thank you, Ann. Those words mean a lot to me. And you are right. When I start to question, a lot of times I remind myself that I’m documenting my children’s early years and (hopefully) that will be valuable to them later – certainly it will be to me!

  3. I wish I could stick to a schedule! For that matter, I wish I could force myself to blog more often about things I KNOW I should address on my blog. Mine is, after all, supposed to be a part of the portfolio for my public presentations and my consulting work for small museums. But do I get around to blogging semi-regularly? Ha! Do I get around to blogging once or twice a month? Sometimes. Do I have a million topics floating around in my head, and a huge pile-up of half-written drafts in limbo? Yep.

    And I don’t have nearly the responsibility you do. But I still feel pulled in a million directions and have a hard time putting other things aside, even for a few hours, to put a blog entry together. And that’s just the the problem. It takes me HOURS. Especially since a concussion almost 3 years ago scrambled my thoughts in new ways, entirely separate from having untreated (diagnosed as a 20-something) ADHD. I CAN write…when I want to, the mood strikes me, I’m feeling wide awake, there’s nothing pressing on the agenda for the next morning (I always write late at night, before I go to sleep, and sometimes stay up til 7 or 8 trying to finish), and I have just the right links and illustrations in mind.

    Excuses. But that’s the way it is.

    Meanwhile, you write an entertaining and thoughtful blog that I look forward to seeing the next entry even as I’m reading the current one you’ve posted. Your topic of family life is something I am not *supposed* to be able to relate to, since I’m a single, childless person. But somehow your blog is my favorite of all. Maybe I’m being weird and living vicariously through your challenges and joys with this family of yours when I’ve never met any of you and we are unlikely to meet? Maybe it is because you seem to handle life the way I imagine I would if I DID have the marriage and children. But somehow, it is a blog I’d miss if you quit writing it, and I did miss it this last week or so. You have to do what’s best for yourself. But don’t feel guilty for stepping back a little or even quitting altogether if you choose to. Just know that your work here is not without value! 🙂

    • I’m honored to top your list! And I’m glad you find a way to relate. I once had a friend tell me that he didn’t see why anyone who didn’t know me would be interested in my blog. He wasn’t being mean. He just didn’t see how someone who didn’t know me or my children would get anything out of it. I guess he was wrong. 😉

      And, yeah, being able to write and being in the right frame of mind to write are two very different things!

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