Time To Meet The Boy

So… how to write about my daughter’s boyfriend? Especially knowing that 1) she reads my blog, 2) she has shared my blog posts with the young man, and 3) some of my opinion is formed from information that maybe I’m not supposed to have. That’s been my quandary for the last week. But, really, I can’t just throw out there that she’s bringing a boy home to meet us and I’m anxious about it and then not fill you in on the results.

I wrote about my worries Thursday evening (the post ran Friday morning), before going to the high school to pick her up after the JV football game. Jane isn’t interested in football – at all, but Brent (not his real name) is on the JV team. When I arrived, she texted that she wanted to say hi to him before she left. I sighed – they were just then running off the field to the locker room. I’d be sitting in the car for a bit.

Eventually, though, I saw her walking toward me with a young man beside her. Guess I’m actually meeting him tonight, I thought. He leaned in through her door to shake my hand and introduce himself. He was a bit awkward and obviously nervous, but he was very polite and left a good impression. After saying good-bye to me and saying he’d see me Saturday, he turned and gave Jane a hug before walking away.

“So we’re at the hugging stage, are we?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“But you aren’t his girlfriend?”

“No.”

We talked (and laughed a bit) about how nervous he was. She said his hands were shaking. He had patted his chest and told me he was a sophomore in a way that had me giggle inside. He texted her to say that he liked me. I told her I was glad I could make a good impression for at least a few minutes.

I told her he had relieved a lot of my fears and when she asked why, I had her read my blog draft. She said, “Don’t you think I have a bit of you in me and know how to pick a good one?” I reminded her of some of her less stellar sixth/seventh grade selections in response.

When he came over Saturday, his mom came in and introduced herself. He abruptly cut in and asked if he could take off his shoes. It was a bit startling but I reminded myself that he was likely still nervous. We sat down in the living room while my husband finished something on the computer. I intended to just make small talk – even though it’s not my strong suit.

He took the moment to be his interview, if you will. His opportunity to sell himself to me. He started off by patting his chest as he told me (again) that he was a Sophomore. Jane laughed good-naturedly and said, “Brent, you’ve said that twice now. You’ve literally said that twice in two days.”

He wasn’t fazed and went on to tell me about how he has his whole life planned out. And I can say this: while it is hard, having been there myself, to take a fifteen year old very seriously, he is definitely a young man who has spent a lot of time thinking about what he wants, both in life and in a relationship. He is not a superficial child by any means.

This makes me happy. In a text conversation with one of Jane’s friends a couple of weeks before this meet-up, he basically stated that he didn’t know where things stood with Jane. He was pretty sure he liked her but wasn’t sure if she liked him. He didn’t know if they were just destined to be best friends but that that would be fine with him too. He said he preferred to talk before dating because he thought you should be close to someone first. And he wasn’t interested in relationships with people that he couldn’t see himself with long term.

He didn’t want to be with someone who when you asked, “Where do you want to go?” would say, “Wherever you want to go.” He had already picked up that Jane would speak her mind. He knew they had a lot in common. It was important to him that she was smart. He thought her personality was the best. And he thought she was extremely beautiful.

He recognized that if they were in a relationship, they would probably fight, which he didn’t want to do but knew that would be part of it. He wasn’t sure if he had feelings for her but felt that she was the best person to come into his life so far. He was obviously wrestling with his feelings and thinking about them rather than going off emotion.

He went on to say that they had said they loved each other but didn’t know if it was love love or just letting each other know they cared.

Needless to say, I found all of this pretty positive. So when she texted me at work last Monday and said, “BRENT ASKED ME OUT!!!!!”, I responded, “REALLY? Who could have possibly seen that coming?! I sure didn’t!!”

She told me that sarcasm suited me.

So maybe this parenting a high schooler thing will be survivable. Maybe even enjoyable. And as a friend pointed out… if he does break her heart, I’d rather it be now while she’s at home and I can help her pick up the pieces.

{And my apologies to anyone waiting anxiously for this story. I wrote it fairly promptly but the edit got lost in a busy week. I did skip working out this morning to finish it up! :)}

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